Choosing the right partner for you might be tricky. But, like with all things in life, psychology has an opinion about finding true love too. Psychology plays a way bigger role in the day to day lives of people than you may realize. From choosing what you want to eat to choosing your career to even finding your significant other is backed by psychological reasoning that goes on in your head subconciously.
So when you think you’ve found The One (or, you’re on the prowl looking for one), these seven things are what you should consider:
1. Proximity brings your partner closer
If your potential partner lives close by or is someone you meet everyday (in the workplace, building, etc), then the repeated exposure and contact will increase attractiveness. This will result in better relationships as they become more familiar. Moreover, people become more attractive when a person expects to interact with them in the future. When you know you will be stuck with someone for a while, cognitive dissonance helps you see the good qualities and ignore or deemphasize their flaws. For example, when James Brossard analyzed marriage records in Philadelphia in the 1930s, he found that most marriages were between people who lived close by.
2. Similarity between your partner and you is important
Opposites, contrary to popular belief, do not attract eachother. If you have something in common with your potential partner, like similar hobbies, opinions and interests, you will like each other more. This similarity will make your partner more attractive. When people agree with your thoughts and opinions, then you perceive them as being a thoughtful and intelligent person because that’s how you view yourself. And, since they are similar to you, they must be thoughtful and intelligent as well. They also provide you with social validation for your beliefs and that satisfies your need to be right which makes them more attractive and will make the relationship better.
3. Physical Attractiveness of your partner matters
When Elaine Walster and her associates randomly matched incoming students at the University of Minnesota for a blind date, the one determinant of whether a couple liked each other and repeated their date was their physical attractiveness. If you find your potential partner attractive, that is, the same level of attractiveness as you, then it definitely increases the possibility of a successful relationship.
4. Doling out praise to your partner
People liked to be praised and tend to like the person who is complimenting them. But, they also dislike being deceived or condescended to. If the praise your potential partner offers you is too lavish, if it suggests surprise, or if it seems the praiser is being ingratiating for an ulterior motive, then praise can backfire. However, if your potential partner praises you when you think you deserve it and in a way that truly appreciates your efforts and achievements, then it would lead to a stronger relationship.
5. Idea of “soulmate”
Couples who believe in the idea of a soulmate or “destiny love” find it difficult to remain satisfied in their relationship when, as it inevitably happens, their partner no longer meets their ideal standards. In contrast, couples who hold an implicit theory about love as growth put more effort into the relationship and in making it work. If your potential partner believes that to make a relationship work, some effort should be made and relationship slumps are common, then your relationship could last longer than most.
6. Competence- is your partner competent? Are you?
The pratfall effect is the tendency for interpersonal appeal to increase or decrease after an individual makes a mistake, depending on the individual’s perceived ability to perform well in a general sense. According to this, people who were viewed as very competent but committed a blunder was rated most attractive. In accordance with this, if you view your potential partner as being attractive and competent who commits slight blunders, it makes them appear more human to you and therefore, more favorable.
7. Being liked by your partner- and liking them back
If you know that your potential partner likes you, then it very likely that you like them back. In an experiment by Elaine Walster, she found that female college students rated the person who gave them favorable feedback higher than those who received unfavorable feedback. Being liked is an important determinant in the start of a relationship. You are more likely to view your potential partner favorably if you think they like you.